In the pursuit of love and satisfaction in life we inevitably meet counterfeits. Things that look like they’ll give us what we need but drastically fall short. One of them is pornography. Deep down we know there is something wrong with it, but still it has an allure. In studying some of the reasons why we watch, we can uncover the need behind the scrolling. I was there too, mindlessly scrolling and reluctantly going back. After stepping back I noticed a pattern behind the habit. Recognizing behavioral patterns helps us break them. Let’s discuss the why behind clicking the XXX.
1. To feel good
The sexual thrill feels good, right? That’s a no brainer. The intensity with which sexual desire comes is quite powerful. It’s pleasurable. When you’re feeling thirsty/horny you want a little release. Porn gives it; anywhere, anytime and just the way you like to see it. It’s like free sex, except it always comes at a cost. If you’ve ever watched porn you know the high only lasts so long as the screen is on. It heats up the desire but can’t put it out; instead adding kerosene to an open flame. That’s why we keep going back. Maybe another high and we’ll be good. So up on the roller coaster we go. Up for the dopamine, down it fades, round and round we go.
2. Sex-Ed
Suffice it to say we aren’t taught much about sex in Kenyan culture. School was all biology, home is often silent and church just said don’t do it before marriage. Curiosity is natural; to want to understand our sexuality its beauty, its power and more important what to do with it. When answers are not forthcoming in our environment we search elsewhere. A quick google search on sex and porn quickly comes up. When your primary educator of sex is porn a lot can go wrong. It’s widely known in the porn industry that their depiction of sex is not true. It’s entertainment acted to get the most views. It doesn’t portray sex as it is but as the masses want to see it. The depictions of sex and relationships in porn promote a concept of impersonal, non-committal, self-serving and often violent sexual encounters. As we watch it we passively learn from this non-reality.
3. Comfort
Given the oversexualized nature of mainstream entertainment you don’t have to go far to find soft core porn, just watch game of thrones. It’s like most producers think “How much nudity can we get into this one scene before it’s considered porn?” Anyway, that’s a whole other topic. Entertainment offers a distraction from reality. Reality can be painful; full of heartbreak, low self-esteem and failure or it could be dull and unfulfilling. We can find easy solace in the cushion entertainment gives to lay our troubled minds on. Sadly, a couple of hours later we find our realities no less different but our minds foggier.
4. Loneliness
The desire to be known and loved is innate to being human. When real connection is absent it’s easy to turn to what feels like real. Lust can feel a lot like love in the moment. The appearance of intimacy in porn masks itself as the experience of intimacy. In truth, we know that porn is not real intimacy, worse still is it makes us further disconnected from the relationships we do have. We settle far too easily for what we really don’t want. The deep longing to be fully know and still fully loved cannot be met by anything or anyone in this world that is because it is a longing meant to connect us to God whether or not we believe in him. It’s how he seeks us out. This is the biggest counterfeit; looking to the created world to give us that which only the creator can give. While there are many good things in this world, they aren’t built to meet this need.
All this begs the question, where else can I go with my wants and needs? You can know all the negative on porn and still watch it. Pornography is outrightly sinful and continued watching of it will take you farther away from the source of true satisfaction, our creator. This is his perspective:
1. To feel good
Psalms 16:11
You will show me the path to life, In your presence there is fullness of joy at your right hand are pleasures forever more.
God isn’t out to stifle our good desires or deny us pleasure but rather to direct us to the ultimate source of them. Trade the fleeting pleasures of porn for the real joy that lasts.
2 Corinthians 12:9:
“My grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in weakness” Therefore I will boast more gladly in my weakness that Christ’s power may rest on me.
Sexual desire can sometimes feel overwhelming often compelling us to act. We are promised Christ’s help in this if we go to him. He can and does help us fight lust. The lure of porn can't stand against him.
2. Sex-Ed
Songs of Songs 7:7-8(MSG):
(the male lover speaking about the female beloved) You are tall and supple, like the palm tree, and your full breasts are like sweet clusters of dates. I say, "I'm going to climb that palm tree! I'm going to caress its fruit!" Oh yes! Your breasts will be clusters of sweet fruit to me, Your breath clean and cool like fresh mint,
Read Song of Solomon, nothing shy or perverse but rather the beauty of love making in its divine design.
Psalms 139:14:
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works, my soul knows it very well.
God intentionally designed us as sexual beings. Go to him to understand your sexuality. We are built this way for a reason far greater than just sex.
3. Comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3-5:
Praise to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
With open arms Jesus comforts those who go to him. A comfort that not only soothes us but also spills over to help another.
4. Loneliness
Ecclesiastes 3:11 (AMP):
He has made everything beautiful and appropriate in its time. He has also planted eternity (a sense of divine purpose) in the human heart (a mysterious longing which nothing under the sun can satisfy, except God) yet man cannot grasp what God has done from beginning to end.
Acts 17:26-28:
From one man he made all the nations, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he marked out their appointed times in history and the boundaries of their lands. God did so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any of us. For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of your own poets have said, “We are his offspring.”
God isn’t playing hide and seek with us. He is the ultimate source of love and goodness. In him we are fully known and fully loved. Where will you go for real satisfaction porn or the creator Jesus? He already made this possible with his sacrifice on the cross. Run into his open arms, confess to him, leave your sin behind and enjoy the newness of life that comes with accepting him.